well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
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A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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