On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
