the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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