Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
