yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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