Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
