Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
