I love black thongs
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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