last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
