I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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