Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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