Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
