masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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