Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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