sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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