He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
