My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize