i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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