took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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