i barfeds in our rink
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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