I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
