I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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