I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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