Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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