after a month anything with tits is on the radar
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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