How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
His hands were made for my vagina.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
