Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
