Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize