He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
