guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
