The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
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Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am available for nakedness
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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