He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
