omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
