i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
