I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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