I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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