I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
