a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
