I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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