New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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