Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Can you bring me the toilet please
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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