I cut my penus on the lid.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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