I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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