did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
