Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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