I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
