I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
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