oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
