if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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