dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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