The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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