Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
