somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
