walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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