Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
