3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
