are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
