ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
