Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
