I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
