you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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