Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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