he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
