Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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