There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
